I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
