he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.