I can text with my tongue
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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