Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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