I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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