wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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