Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
