I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
