so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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