you would pick up someone in the library
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
