he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
