What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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