I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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