I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
