the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
