At least make sure they are 18
Why
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
