He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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