I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
