i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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