so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
