So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
where are you?
Hypothermia
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
