oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
