You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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