I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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