Screwed.edu
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
