The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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