So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
