Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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