it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
