I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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