Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
