You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
