I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
