Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
