Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
