Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
