Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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