How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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