i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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