So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
