i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
