i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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