i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
