i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
