so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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