you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
