i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
