i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
