You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
