By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize