Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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