check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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