i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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