ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
