Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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