and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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