Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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