do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
